Hello Quarter-Life Crisis (Education Edition)
I remember crying in the shower at the end of the day after I’d celebrated my graduation 4 years ago. I was shedding tears of joy knowing that I was finally done with my bachelor degree.
I spent 3 years abroad getting a piece of paper that signifies I’m somewhat a knowledgeable person in journalism but in reality, my passion for the course started dwindling at the end of the first semester in first year. Giving up or switching courses were not viable options for an international student, so I stuck through the whole program like a champion.
Soon after graduation, I landed my first full-time job as magazine journalist in Asia. It wasn’t exactly like a Devil-Wears-Prada life but it was close enough. Many people envied my job. I remember waking up with my natural body clock instead of an alarm and driving to work after rush-hour traffic at 10am. Some days, I’ll be in the office churning out articles. Some days, I’ll be running around town attending PR events.
My favourite was the food tasting invites. Imagine dining at a 5-star restaurant, feasting on caviar and champagne, then walking out without having to pay the bill. Oh, that was crazy! But that was exactly what I did as part of my job as a magazine journalist.
Everybody said I had the best job ever. That was what I thought so too, until one day when I woke up and greatly loathed it.
I developed a dislike towards the idea of inviting “influencers” and the press to flashy events and free food tasting sessions in exchange for “exposure”. I always wondered how impactful my event coverage and food review articles were for those brands and eateries. In all honesty, I felt that the there were little to no impact at all.
Growing up, I always thought I’d end up in an occupation where the work that I do matters a lot. Think, scientist, businesswoman, developer etc. So you can imagine my disappointment in myself when I sat on my desk in the office one day and realised that all I was doing was writing bougie articles.
And so I made a decision.
I decided to go back to school.
I knew I didn’t want to do journalism anymore so when I found out that universities in England offer conversion courses for computer science, I ran towards it without hesitation. Conversion courses are exactly what the name implies— it’s a fast-track master’s degree for students who want to convert from one discipline into another. Or as defined by Prospects,
“Conversion courses are intensive postgraduate programmes that allow you to pursue a career that your undergraduate degree or professional career hasn’t prepared you for.”.
When I’d just graduated from my bachelor degree, my parents told me that it’s best to pursue my master’s immediately if I wished to do so. This is because it’ll be a struggle to return to school once I’ve started working. I always thought it was b***sh**. Many people have done so and many have succeeded.
They were right. Hmm, maybe partially right.
I spent 2 years working as a magazine journalist and 1 year as a social media specialist. Both careers were difficult yet rewarding for me.
In those 3 years of working, I’d experienced many good things in life. I had a car which means freedom and road trips whenever I wanted; I had a steady income that allowed me to enjoy good food and vacations; I spent Friday nights sipping on wine and watching a movie. Life was good.
I was thrilled when I’d found out I was accepted into grad school. I was ready for a “second chance” in life and shaping my future. I was very lucky to get a partial scholarship for my tuition fees but there were still significant costs I had to bear to move from Asia to England again.
For the first time in a long while, I felt that I was doing something very useful.
In autumn 2021, I quit my job, cleared my bank account and packed my bags to take a 16-hour flight to England. I started my master’s degree feeling very hopeful yet petrified at the same time. Hopeful that it’d redirect me to a path more suitable for me; Petrified at the fact that I’m essentially learning 3 years worth of knowledge in one (that’s basically how a conversion course works). Heck, I’m enrolled in a computer science master’s degree without any prior programming skills or experience!
The first few weeks of school felt like rainbows and unicorns. I was meeting new people again, joining clubs and societies, and living on campus. It was like a “round two” of university life. All these rosy and dainty stuff soon started giving me anxiety.
All of a sudden, it hit me that I no longer have that much of a freedom as I did before.
Road trips to the beach? A train ticket costs as much as a week’s worth of grocery.
Rooftop dining with a sunset view? How are you going to afford it?
£4 for a packet of chicken breast? I’ll stick with bread.
I soon understood what my parents meant. Going back to school after you’ve joined the workforce is difficult because you’re so used to having a steady income and nice things but now you have to live on an extremely tight budget and save pasta sauce jars as your toothbrush and pen holders.
I was lucky to have writing experiences to allow me to freelance while in grad school. However, it wasn’t always easy to find time to take on new freelance projects. There were occasions when I barely had 4 hours of sleep in order to complete my school assessments and freelance work. Oh boy, talk about working under pressure to tight deadlines!
It’s been 4 months since I started grad school. Even though the first semester was a bit of a struggle to get through, I’m happy and proud of my achievements. For the first time in a long while, I felt that I was doing something very useful.
However, I can’t deny that there were also days when I had doubts in myself. I would wonder if this degree would take me to where I want to be in the next 10 years, or will I end up in journalism again due to the lack of skills and knowledge compared to those who’d actually studied the course for 3–4 years? I even wondered if I’d be able to complete my dissertation and graduate with flying colours.
Of all things I’d wondered, the one that scared me the most is when I wondered if I’d made a wrong choice giving my up career. At 25, I have friends who are sitting in managerial positions. Some of them immigrated to another country; Some got married; Some had kids; Some bought their first house; Some is halfway into becoming a millionaire. Many of them are moving onwards and upwards in life, and going back to grad school with little money left in my bank account seems like I’ve moved backwards.
Of course, people say that an arrow has to go backwards before it charges ahead. But what if I miss the target? Undeniably, there are reasonable concerns as to what my future entails. Perhaps, the unknown about the future is what makes life interesting.
At 25, I went back to school. It feels like I’d gone backwards in life but I’m hopeful it’s preparing me for something bigger and better. As I sit in my dorm room writing this, I remind myself that every good, bad, happy and sad experience I gain from grad school is a memory worth keeping.
